


Hey Sammy I Got a Confession

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e22 All Hell Breaks Loose, Love Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7205048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has a confession for Sam - but it's too late.<br/>Written for Wincest Love Week day 6</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hey Sammy I Got a Confession

“Heya Sammy, you know you’re such a pain in the fucking ass.”

 

Dean laughed a little, taking another swill of the whiskey and settling more against the wall – it was his turn to stay up for watch and damn it all to hell if he wasn’t gonna have some fun while he did.

 

“You are. You drive me crazy, and you have since day one. I remember Mom and Dad bringin’ you home from the hospital. You were this tiny, fat little ball of skin with these big blue eyes. The first time you saw me, you spit up all over my favorite Batman shirt. I decided I’d hate you forever when you did that.”

 

He hesitated, looking down at the dirty wood floor.

 

“I couldn’t though. Man, I just couldn’t. Because a month later you grabbed my finger so tight in your chubby little hand and you wouldn’t let go, no matter what. You screamed bloody murder when Mom finally took you away from me. So damn much that she had to hand you back to me just to get you to sleep. I never told you that. Even before Mom died I was putting you down sometimes.

 

Then she died and Dad lost it… Man, I—I was four. I wanted to hate everything, I wanted to throw a fit and curl up and cry. I still remember feelin’ like that. But you needed me. You sobbed when Dad held you, hated to be left alone. Even back then it was just you and me, man.

 

You—You took your first steps toward me, said my name as your first word. Man, I—I still remember feeling so proud. I was your big brother and I was your favorite person in the world. I knew you’d be the only person I ever loved, even when we were both little like that, you know? Even if I didn’t say it enough.”

 

Shit, I remember having to go to school without you. I could’ve ripped Dad a new one for forcing me to. Leaving my Sammy alone for eight hours a day. You hated it too – you’d cling to me like an octopus when I’d get home, I’d have to do my homework and make us dinner with you hanging off of me.

 

Then you started going to school, and things were good, but I—I grew up. And I knew there was something wrong with me. With how I saw you. God, you were such a pretty boy, Sammy. You always had that pretty mouth, those big lips and all I could dream about was kissing them.

 

I know. I know, I’m fuckin’ weird. Sick, but—you gotta know this before it’s too late. I’d watch you play when we were kids and picture how nice it’d be to lose my virginity to you. Hell, when I finally lost it I pictured it was you the whole time, even shouted your name,”

  
Dean laughed scornfully.

 

“Man that girl slapped the shit out of me, she thought I was moaning for some other girl. I still wonder what she’d have said if I told her it was actually my thirteen year old kid brother I was moaning for.”

 

He took another long swill of the whiskey, looking at the fading sunlight through the dirty window.

 

“Then you ran away for Stanford. Man, you broke my heart that night, Sammy. I know I’ve bitched about it and complained and made you feel like crap over it, and I’m sorry. That’s on me. I’m proud of you for getting out, Sam. I was so proud of you, even if it killed me. You were so smart and you deserved so much more than a fucked up Dad and a brother who jerked off to fantasies about you.

 

You got out, and you got happy. Man, Jess, she—She was perfect for you man, I wish we coulda saved her. That’s on me too. If I hadn’t taken you away—“

 

Dean’s voice broke and he hung his head, playing with the label on the bottle.

 

“I was selfish. I missed you and I needed you. I didn’t care who you were with or what you were doing, I needed my Sammy in the passenger seat next to me.

 

We did make a helluva team, we are perfect together, you know that, don’t you? Deep down? That you and me will always be the best when we’re together?”

 

He didn’t wait for an answer, just pushed along with his confession,

 

“Those powers and crap, they’re scary. I know you think I hated you and think you’re a freak, but I can’t, Sammy. Never. You’re my world, baby brother. I don’t care what you’ve got in your or what you can do with your mind – You are my whole fucking reason for living. Whatever it is, whatever you’ve got, we’ll deal with it together. We’re all we got, you gotta know that.”

 

He brushed his hand over his cheek, surprised to find tears there. Wiping them away, he took another drink before continuing,

 

“I’m still in love with you. I still need you, in every way. I wish I’d told you earlier, let you know the truth, gauged your reaction, you know? But I’m telling you now, even though it’s probably too late. God, you’re my world, Sam, you fucking pain in the ass.”

 

Dean rose, stalking over to the bed. He crouched down and looked at Sam, reaching out to brush hair off his forehead. The cold flesh under his fingers made him shudder.

 

“Why couldn’t I have shown up ten minutes earlier? Fuck… I let you die, Sammy. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, but I don’t know what to do… I—I can’t live without you.”

 

Tears ran freely down Dean’s cheeks, blurring his vision, blurring the still body of his brother laid out on the bed front of him.

 

“I love you, you fucking pain in the ass, and I—I’m gonna find a way to save you. Then I’m gonna tell you all this to your face, and we’ll go from there.”

 

He reached out, grabbing Sam’s icy hand.

 

“Don’t you leave me alone!” He screamed into the empty room.


End file.
